


Tintin Abridged Summaries

by SmidgeonPigeon



Category: Tintin - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:14:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29093316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmidgeonPigeon/pseuds/SmidgeonPigeon
Summary: This is exactly the kind of low brow meme humor I live for.  Summarizing the Tintin stories so you don't have to!Also
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	1. Tintin in Tibet: a summary

**Author's Note:**

> So let's start with my favorite story...
> 
> What's your favorite Tintin tale??

TIntin in Tibet: a summary

_**CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG** _

Chang is great

 **BREAKING NEWS:** Chang is dead because mountains exist and airplanes are a bad idea

Hang on he's totes alive let's motor

We _MUST_ save _CHANG_

Chang left me a text message on a rock

_Cryptids are real???_

_Snow fun_ getting lost out here

Chang I found your scarf from last season’s pashmina line

Endless hiking my quads looks great now

Haddock would die for Tintin. Let that sink in a moment. 

Haddock is too clumsy to die

Tharkey pulls out reverse white savior card

MORE SNOW

_TOO MUCH SNOW_

Snowy you had _one_ job

Monks are AWESOME (and some of them float and give you plot-relevant info if you stick around)

Chang is still the master of hide and seek

**JUST KIDDING I FOUND YOU YOU SNEAKY BOI**

**Yeti Big Sad :(**

Tintin gets a cool new nickname he’ll never use

Let’s go home my feet feel like raw meat after all that adventuring


	2. Tintin and the Picaros: a summary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tintin's weirdest adventure if you don't count the alien shenanigans from a vacation gone wrong...

Tintin and the Picaros: a summary 

TINTIN WHAT ARE THOOOOSE 

It’s the 70’s man

Alcohol is gross now apparently??? If the Captain is no longer defined by his love of booze what can be said about the man?

Castafiore and the Thom(p)sons are under house arrest

International shots fired and name calling is happening now for...several pages

Tintin pack your bags we are going on vaycay

Tintin is done running around the world and just wants to enjoy wearing his ugly new pants at home for a change. 

#Calculus-and-Haddock-Roadtrip 

JK it’s a trap duh

Tintin felt left out so he’s walked right into the trap instead of sneaking in and doing things smart like he usually does

PABLO???

_**Pablo why** _

Hey look everyone is making a cameo appearance neat-o

Haddock still can’t drink but everyone else is down to party 

General Alcazar and Tintin try to a brainstorming session

How did the tour bus fit in the jungle??? 

*~TINTIN HAS HIS FIRST GOOD IDEA IN THE STORY~*

Carnival shenanigans and oh yeah this is a non-violent takeover 

Tapioca you sweaty pudding man read it like you mean it

Castafiore doesn’t like commoner pasta but to be fair they just keep giving her plain pasta in a pot, so...

Thompson and Thomson almost die but don’t so that’s cool (and also a little anticlimactic)

So turns out Tintin got dragged into this cuz someone had beef with him and decided to make his revenge plot as impractical as humanly possible so Tintin is just gonna relocate him where he can live to do him harm another day. WHAT. 

At least Tintin gets to go home now. Can’t wait to read his next adventure!

_ Oh wait _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Tintin just wanted to stay home guys he can't keep burning the candle at both ends


	3. Tintin in the Congo: a summary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's favorite...

Tintin in the Congo: a summary

This is not gonna age well

_ 40 some odd years later… _

Called it 


	4. Tintin Flight 714: a summary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really like this one, actually. It's just pure chaos from start to finish.

Tintin Flight 714: a summary

  
Uh-oh. Calculus is in this one. Someone's definitely getting kidnapped

Haddock has big heart and big wallet. 

Sexy Estonian pilot returns and his cheekbones can cut diamonds. 

**Breaking News:** Rich eccentric kidnaps the gang via peer pressure.

Tintin is suspicious but plot demands he do nothing until things go wrong.

_THINGS GO WRONG_

MaMMa mIA 

Flying planes is hard 

**Rastapastaman you're here too??**

Snowy :( (but angry disheveled Tintin is pretty sexy ngl)

It takes _three grown muscly men_ to restrain Tintin. Let that sink in. 

Allan makes the Captain play the worst game of Follow the Leader ever. 

Snowy ex machina.

There's former Nazi torture in this one. Y'know...for kids?

Tintin and Haddock **with guns**

This island gives me the heebie jeebies man

Tintin is psychic now. That's useful.

_MORE GUNS!!!_

Oh hey, I think I saw this in an episode of Ancient Aliens.

Alien Ambassador ex machina??? Okay.

I don't like the bad guys but at this point it's hard not to feel bad for them...

Volcano go BOOM

**CApTaIn ThE LaVA**

Tintin curses for the first time and its censored. What even is this story.

Gang gets rescued by UFO only to be immediately dumped in the middle of the ocean near an active volcano. _Rude._

Rescue happens and all's well that ends well. (Also we never see Alan or Rasta the pasta man again soooo....hm.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this made you smile or laugh! If it did, I'd love to hear what you liked! ^^

**Author's Note:**

> It is scientifically proven that comments make me write more...*wink wonk*


End file.
